This.
Boy.
Is.
Perfection.
I can’t even handle it.
And I seriously just want him in the most innocent of ways, which is odd. I’m so not used to that. Anything that I’ve wanted with males recently has involved lotssss of fucking. But Jesus, I just want to hold him. I want to hold him foreverrrr. And kiss his gorgeous face, and just tell him how fantastic he is.
We’ve had 2 phone calls in the past 2 days that have lasted about 6 hours total.
It’s insane.
He’s just so chill.
We talked about my anxiety, depression, cutting, and the times that I didn’t really eat…
I’ve told him about B, and T (the infamous shitty fucking exes of mine)…
I even told him about my shitty fucking parents.
Here was the coolest part about it, though.
He fucking didn’t pity me.
He didn’t try to apologize for all the wrong that’s been done to me.
Which was fucking refreshing as shit.
All his reaction to all of it was that he didn’t understand how guys could screw over girls to get laid (like T).
Or how people could cheat on another. He claims that one of the few things he’s very strongly against is cheating, because it’s terrible.
Then he just told me how he thought he would have dealt with shit if he was in my situation with parents.
It was actually great.
My whole life people have tried to say how sorry they are and how they could never imagine dealing with some of the shitty things my family does and says… Which I think is a lot of the reason I reacted the way I did.
People made me feel as though I was a victim… But I was only a victim when I allowed myself to be. Having shitty
parents shouldn’t define me, or change the ways that I feel about myself. That’s fucking stupid, and I feel like I really overreacted… Not that some of the situations I’ve been in haven’t been bad, but I just made them worse by being self destructive..
But as Pikachu said, it’s human nature to overreact. He was really cool about everything, which I appreciate a lot.
I learned a lot about him as well.
His longest relationship was about a year long, and the girl cut it off to go to college.
He’s done every drug imaginable except K2. He refuses to touch that, because he saw some guy smoke a bit and then smash his face into a coffee table. LSD and marijuana are his favorites.
He is basically a genius, and set up a whole drug exchange system in his school where it was virtually impossible for him to get caught.
He’s a psychopath! A beautiful one, I must add. Unlike any other sociopath/psychopath I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He’s been diagnosed, as well. But he has this theory that if it was necessary to feel again, that he could…
He saw multiple of his friends get killed and commit suicide when he was younger. (Poor baby.)
His dad is a hard ass that was borderline abusive… Pikachu is thankful for that, though. He thinks he would have ruined his life and not learned respect had he had any other father.
His mother is a super Christian, and apparently a very nice woman.
He can’t stand filth, and everything has
to be in a certain place. Apparently he didn’t used to be that way, but then he became a stoner. (Smoking 4-8 times a day.) He said that he’d lose track of everything and be too stoned to find it, so then he just organized his shit so it was easy to find.
Gosh, and so much more… He’s so incredibly interesting.
He also told me not to feel uncomfortable about being bisexual, because he is also. That was pretty cool, because I’d seriously had no idea until he said something. Apparently he has been with some guys, because he feels like all guys want is sex… And at the times when he wanted sex, he didn’t want to hurt a female to get it.
Because they’re fragile, and get emotionally attached and shit.
He’s been with one girl, but they were fucked up on molly when they had sex… So it didn’t mean anything to either of them after the fact. He also said it felt wrong.
He says that emotionally he feels like he’s a virgin, just because he’s never had the actual emotional connection to someone he had sex with.
It was so cute, because we started talking about how the sex is going to be when he actually cares.
He was pretty much like, “The first time isn’t going to be in a car. It’s not going to be a quickie. It’s going to be amazing. There’s gonna be candles, and I have a hot tub, so that will be used…”
And honestly, maybe I misread this, but I think he thinks I’m going to be that person… The person he actually cares about.
I have this overwhelming feeling that I’m going to marry this guy.
That probably sounds fucking insane.
Hell, it is fucking insane. Butttt… That’s what I think is going to happen. And I’ve never felt this way before.
I could be completely wrong.
Guess only time will tell?
~CC.
casuallyconfused 