Zuzu

So a girl that I grew up nearby, but never really knew personally went missing back in October. 

In high school, her older brother and I were close friends. And she had many mutual friends with me, because she was only a few grades above me. 

A few days ago, her body was found. Today, it was identified as her. She was murdered and then put into a shallow grave and left to rot for almost 5 months. Animals that pulled her up were the only reason she was found. 

The girl who grew up down the street from me, whose brother I shared a few kisses and a lot of laughs with… Someone killed her. 

The one I saw in passing in my high school’s hallways, and had a few brief encounters with… She was murdered. 

I had a few very short encounters with her. Her mother introduced me to her one day while I was hanging out at their family’s house. She was so full of life and light. Her love for her family radiated off of her. 

I feel like I have no right to be effected by her death, yet I am laying here crying. A lot. And I would be lying if I said it wasn’t the first time. 

I just know she didn’t deserve this. I know that her family didn’t deserve this at all. And it sucks that they found her dead, but it’s good that they finally found her so that some sort of justice can be served to the sick fuck that did this to her… 

It’s just a shitty world out there. I wish this didn’t happen to people. I especially wish this didn’t happen to people that I knew, even if only at a distance. 

Rest in peace, Zuzu. You are so beautiful and I am so sorry about what happened to you. 

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Help me.

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Wake Up

I was giving my boyfriend a blow job earlier and had to stop to vomit in the trashcan. I’m on this medicine that makes my stomach really sensitive right now. So, sadly, deepthroating didn’t work out the usual way. 

Anyway, I felt bad about the fact that I got him all horny and then stopped mid-blowjob. He was understanding and all, then went to bed shortly afterward. 

I decided that was unfair and not any fun. In the middle of watching an episode of Game of Thrones, I decided I had to redeem myself. 

So I snuggled up next to him and started kissing down his neck, slowly waking him up. I made my way to his lips when I think he realized what I was doing, and he began kissing me back. While he was kissing me, I pulled off his shirt and climbed on top of him. After that, I began to grind up against him and kiss down his chest. I then grabbed his cock and started stroking it through his boxers. 

He eventually pushed me off of him and climbed on top of me. He pulled off my shorts and stuck his fingers inside of me. I moaned for him and told him how good it felt while he kissed down my neck and sucked on my nipples. He then bent me over and stuck his hard dick inside of me and we fucked like that until we both came. 

I am so in love with him. 

And I am so grateful that we have amazing sex and chemistry like this after almost a year. I’m happy that I have a man who has no problem waking up and getting hard for me in the middle of the night. 

That’s the kind of guy you marry. And I’m going to marry him. 

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Old Friend

I don’t know if you will read this. 

And if you do, I’m unsure if it will make a difference. 

To be frank, you have pissed me off and have made me feel betrayed in the past. But that is the past. Shit happens. Life happens. People fuck up and make mistakes all of the time. Including you, and especially including me. 

I say that to say, I have never given up on you. 

There are times that I feel that you have given up on me. From those unanswered texts, to months of denied Facebook friendship requests, to talking to me only when you needed something. 

But just because you have hurt me doesn’t mean that I don’t love you and care about you, still. You were a huge part of my life for a long time, and the good and the bad parts (and there were far more good than bad) of our friendship have helped make me who I am today. Due to that, you will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I’m here if you need me. And maybe you don’t. 

But if you do, I’ll always be here. I hope you know that. 

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Decent

Oh, man. I don’t know if any of you guys have ever had a kidney infection, but I am fairly certain that they’re about equivalent to what hell will feel like. 

I’m currently only 19 years old, yet my body has decided to turn on me. 

I have back problems from a wreck that occured almost a year ago, carpal tunnel and trigger finger from working at a job that involved too much repetitive motion, knee issues from a past surgery, and now a fucking kidney infection. 

When will I get a damn break?? 

Outside of that, things are decent. 

My boyfriend and I move into an apartment next month. I have a decent amount of money saved up for a hefty down payment on a car, as soon as my credit is good enough. I am on speaking terms with both of my parents. The future is appearing brighter than it did a few months ago. 

I also have this hunch that my boyfriend is going to propose to me on our year anniversary in September. I would definitely say yes. We’ve talked a lot about having a long engagement and getting married when we have the money to have a big wedding.  And I’ve been hounding him about getting me a ring. So we’ll see what happens. 
I can’t see myself being with anyone else, though. We’ve built this life together that I never expected to have at 19. It’s stressful, overwhelming, and so incredible. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

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Effort

The worst feeling in the world is constantly putting in as much effort as possible, yet still failing at something.

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Uncertainty

There are very few things I’m certain of these days.
It’s so odd.
I’m certain of my boyfriend. He’s the person that I’m going to be with from now until the end.
But everything else?
Work, school, finances, friendships, transportation…
Those are all so ever changing.

I have an overall goal for life, but not a set plan for getting there.
It’s crazy. Trying to get to something from what feels like nothing.
I believe I can do it because I’m smart and I have a decent support system.
It’s just so overwhelming now.

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