Lesbian Rom Com

The last few days feel like a whirlwind and like my entire life all at the same time. I cannot believe I have gotten to know someone’s soul so deeply and so profoundly in such a minuscule duration. It absolutely blows my mind and makes me smile so hard that my cheeks fucking hurt.

I have written about this girl my last few posts but never gave her a pseudonym. Let’s call her Bird because she makes my heart sing and she has the cutest swallowtail tattoo. Bird came over on Friday night, then again on Saturday and then we just kind of never left one another’s side. We spent Friday night sitting on my couch and talking about so many different things. We laughed about how I didn’t know how to tie my shoes until I was 14, and how I always wore shoes that were 2 sizes too big without realizing they were too big. (Because I wanted to steal my mom’s shoes.) One thing that really stood out was I had mentioned to her that my back was bothering me. I had intended to go to my mom’s house and get some muscle relaxers but lost motivation. She offered to drive me to my mother’s house 30 minutes away at 11 at night just to make me feel better. I insisted that she shouldn’t but I thought it was so fucking thoughtful of her to offer. After that, she showed me her Animal Crossing island and I showed her mine. Before she left, we stood at the door and talked for a little while.

Previously, she’d let me know that she had been in a relationship with a girl. The relationship was long distance until the very end when the girl came to visit her. While she was in town, they had fucked around but the girl had never kissed her. She explained that if I was to kiss her then I would be the first girl to do so.

I could tell that as she was about to leave, she was nervous. I hugged her, and then when we pulled away, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She said, “Oh, should we kiss??” I kissed her gently and briefly. Then I pulled away. She did kind of a giddy jump and yelped out, “I kissed a girl!!” I smiled and then kissed her again. She pulled away and then wrapped me in the biggest hug. She said, “Oh, my god. I’m being so fucking weird. I’m going to cry.” I reassured her that it wasn’t weird at all and I hugged her back.

After that, we both just stood at the door and talked for like 10 minutes about how much we like each other. I was like, “I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE.” She straight up was like, “I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A UHAUL LESBIAN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?” I immediately was like, “I JUST SIGNED A LEASE SO WE HAVE A YEAR TO FIGURE THIS OUT.” We had talked about her coming over again on Saturday before we’d even agreed to hang out on Friday. She asked if I still wanted to see her again on Saturday and I let her know that I absolutely did.

I’m glad that I said that, because Saturday was one of my favorite nights ever. She came over in the early evening and helped me with a few chores. Then we sat on the floor and talked for a hours about so many different things. In the midst of us talking, Bird suggested that we go get some food. I looked up fast food nearby and we picked a place that seemed convenient. The first place that we went was combined with a gas station. We decided we didn’t care to go there. The second place was so crowded that we would have waited forever to get our food. The third place was also crowded, but we finally settled on it because we had been driving around for a long time.

During all the driving around, I got the idea to take Bird to my favorite place in my city. We received our food and then drove to the spot. My favorite place is an unsuspecting hill. It seems like it’s not really anything but a lot with a hill in the middle of a neighborhood. Then, you climb to the top and you can see the entire town. It’s especially beautiful at night because you can see all of the city lights. I took Bird there. We grabbed our food, scaled the hill, and went and sat at the top.

We ate and talked about a lot of different things. One of the funniest things was how we would like to be murdered and have our bodies disposed of in that scenario. She talked about how she wouldn’t want to know her death was coming and would want to be burned. I said I would want something super dramatic with serial killer vibes. Something that would make it into a documentary. Most people would have found that morbid or inappropriate, but she didn’t. I haven’t ever met someone with such a similar sense of humor to mine.

After that conversation concluded, we laid in the grass and stared up at the stars. Everything was effortless. I felt so incredibly at peace and that’s something that I rarely feel. It felt like absolutely nothing else mattered. Until the sprinklers on the hill came on and completely soaked us.

We ran through the sprinklers, giggling the entire time. It was something out of a romantic comedy, and an experience that I will never forget. We ran to my car, completely dripping, and then quickly got inside. She smiled and turned to me and said, “I would have been so annoyed in this scenario in any other context, but right now I feel absolutely giddy.” I felt the same. We just laughed and laughed, then I turned on the car and drove home.

Upon arriving at my house, she told me that she should be heading home. It was already 1 in the morning and so I told her that she should stay. I had never gotten this far in dating and not had sex with someone. That’s usually something that I jump into very quickly. With her, it wasn’t even on my radar. I knew that she wouldn’t be comfortable if I attempted to do anything sexual, and I wanted to be so beyond respectful of that.

We just laid in bed and talked for hours. We laughed so hard so many times yet again. We never ran out of things to talk about. The next day, we decided to go spend time with and eat lunch with her best friend. It was a great time and we ended up buying a bunch of stuff at thrift stores. Her best friend and I got along really well. At this point, I started having feelings that we were doing more than just dating. We had already established that we wanted to date exclusively, but it felt like it should be so much more than that.

We continued to hang out every single day after work. The laughing never stopped, the emotional depth and intentionality of conversations never ceased. It was fucking beautiful and I wanted her to be mine SO bad, but I was worried about asking the question.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to.

We were laying in my bed the night after we’d hung out with her friend. She rolled over to me mid conversation and said, “So are we going to keep tiptoeing around putting a label on this?” I responded, “No, I don’t think so.” She said, “Good, because I want you to be my girlfriend.” I agreed that we should be together and that I absolutely didn’t want anyone else. We both just clung to each other and giggled and kissed. My chest felt so full and I felt the most at peace that I ever have in my life. Things felt… right.

Since then, we have spent every single day together and every day makes me feel closer and closer to her. We laugh constantly, and talk in depth about our emotions. She is consistently doing things and saying things that remind me of how much she cares. I can be 100% myself around her and I feel so free. I cannot express how eternally grateful I am that she has come into my life. I hope she doesn’t leave for a long time.

~CC.

Deep Shit

I hung out with the same girl that my previous post was about again last night. She invited me to come over to her house. On my way there, I hit this giant pothole ON THE HIGHWAY and it completely flattened my tire. Thankfully, I made it to her house before it totally wrecked the tire.

I let her know what had happened as soon as I got there. I know how to change a tire but I wasn’t super confident about doing it because I haven’t changed one by myself before. Upon telling her this, she immediately offered to change the tire for me. I told her we should wait until the sun goes down and it gets a little cooler out.

We went inside and continued our theme of talking for hours with no stop. It was so much fun and we were giggling like teenagers the entire time. Her energy is just so strong and she is incredibly warm and vibrant. She’s an insane story teller and has so much charisma and wit when she speaks. I’m always amazed by the fact that she’s somehow so profound but also so incredibly laid back. She says things that make me think constantly and she asks for more information on topics in ways that I wouldn’t have ever thought of.

After a few hours of conversing, she suggested that we go and change the tire. I agreed and she was so fucking sweet about it. She refused to let me pick up the tire myself because she didn’t want me to get my shirt dirty. She barely let me be involved in the whole process. We sat and talked and laughed while she did absolutely everything. I wanted to kiss her so badly but didn’t because she makes me so nervous. Like comfortable, but also so fucking NERVOUS. After the tire was fixed, we went inside and talked for a few more hours. Her roommate ended up having to come out to ask us to tone it down because we were laughing so hard and keeping her up.

I went to see my therapist a few days prior to hanging out with her for the second time. I brought up the fact that after I sat with myself for a while, I came to the conclusion that I actually identified as lesbian. I hadn’t been super concerned about that and how it would impact my life, except for one way. My father and how he would react.

I expressed to my therapist that I felt like eventually I was going to end up in a long term relationship with a woman. I explained that I didn’t want that to be something that I felt the need to hide from anyone. But my dad is super religious and a homophobe, so I know that I will be met with judgment and criticism if I’m open about it. My therapist and I had a deep conversation about how the inner child in me will always hope for his approval, but that I’m in a place in my life where I don’t have to have it. He said that he doesn’t feel like my father will disown me, but knows I won’t be met with the reception and love that I deserve.

I fear that changing our relationship. I also acknowledge that I don’t have to have him in my life. I worry about not being able to bring my significant other to family events and that they will feel isolated from my parents. My therapist commended me for looking at things with a logical perspective.

A lot of the reason that I had this conversation with the therapist is because I see something really, really meaningful and special developing with this girl. I could see myself being in a long term relationship with her and even falling in love with her. I see her being part of the reason that I want to be open. Because she would be worth all the pain and rejection that my father might give me, and she would support me through it.

There was another girl that I intended to go on a date with and was talking to for about a month. I recently reached out to her and let her know that I didn’t want to go on the date because I felt I wouldn’t be emotionally invested enough or present due to the fact that I had such strong feelings for this girl.

As I was typing this, I decided to tell her how I felt. She let me know that the feeling is mutual and I feel like I won the lottery. She talked to me about how she had deleted her dating apps because she felt we had such a strong connection. I had already deleted one of my dating profiles and was going to delete the other one. But it was the app that she was on and I was concerned that she was going to see. After that conversation, I immediately deleted the other dating profile and my heart raced over the prospects. I could finally see a future filled with love and light. She’s more than I could have ever dreamed of or hoped for.

~CC.

Back on my Bullshit

Here we go again.

I met another girl and I’m already stupidly and recklessly emotionally attached to her. We talk all day every single day. We have so many fucking things in common, it’s kind of creepy.

I’m a teacher, she’s a teacher. I love tacky clothing, so does she. I’m allegedly funny, she’s actually funny. We both love bugs and have tattoos of them. We weren’t allowed to have cats as children, so we have and love cats now. Her mom has thyroid disease, and mine does, too. We both wear our hearts on our sleeves. She’s very blunt and open. So am I.

We met for the first time on Saturday night. She arrived at 6:30 PM and did not leave until 3:30 AM. Nothing sexual occurred, we didn’t even kiss. We just sat and talked for 9 hours straight. I laughed so hard that I cried. I shared things about myself that I’ve never shared with anyone upon first meeting them. She did the same. We spoke in depth about so many different things. When I thought there was no way we could find something else to talk about, we spiderwebbed into a brand new conversation.

When she was getting ready to leave, I didn’t want her to go because my heart felt so fucking full. I am supposed to have a date with another girl this Saturday but don’t even know that I’m interested in going now. She seems like a really nice person, but she’s not this girl. I dunno.

I’m probably making the same mistakes all over again.

~CC.

Divinity and Orgasms

The girl I talked about in my last post (Goddess) and I have been talking extremely frequently. She is a wonder of the world and I’m consistently left wondering why she wants to be a part of mine. We’ve been speaking or seeing each other every single day since we met. After we met, we spent the next 4 days straight together. Then I had to go on vacation and we texted the entire time (5 days) I was gone.

She is insanely raw, compassionate, and she shows up unconditionally for the people that she cares about. Her sense of humor is absolutely wicked and she makes witty commentary that leaves me speechless sometimes. She is ridiculously beautiful in a way that causes me to constantly think about her, or her skin, or the curve of her thigh, or the way that she sighs…

We can talk about anything and everything. Past regrets, love, trauma, family, death, joy, insignificant favorites, sex, pets, food, and the list goes on and on and on. Legitimately, nothing is off of the table. I have never felt so safe and like I could be so open with someone so quickly. I find myself bringing MYSELF to every single conversation and being happy that I showed up.

Running my fingers across her skin legitimately feels like spontaneously combusting from the inside. It feels like a really soft, warm weight on my chest in the best way. It makes my hands feel like they’re about to catch fire; scalding and tingly. She makes my heart race and my breath gets caught in my throat.

Last night, I came back into town from being on my trip. Goddess and I had coordinated seeing each other and she decided that she wanted to come hang out at my house. I had mentioned to her that I had bug bites, and a sunburn so she brought me my favorite snack, a tube of cortizone and some face masks to help with dry skin. Upon her arrival, I immediately kissed her and let her know how much I’d missed her.

We then ended up going to cuddle in my room and decided to watch scary movies. During the movies, we were kissing constantly and were tangled up in each other’s arms. After a few hours of that, Goddess fell asleep. I let her sleep because we had been staying up texting nights in a row previously, so I assumed she was exhausted.

My assumption was wrong, because at one point she rolled over and began kissing me. Hard. Like started out kissing me with her lips slightly open and then it turned into her tongue completely in my mouth. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I grabbed her and pulled her on top of me. She continued to kiss me deeply. I ran my hands up and down her sides and across her hips. I pulled her hair a little bit and put my hand around her throat as she kissed me. I wish that I could describe in words what having her on top of me felt like. It’s a feeling that I’m going to have to just hold onto mentally, because nothing even compares.

I was kind of caught off guard by this interaction, as I was expecting her to go to sleep. But as usual, horniness became the front seat driver. I laid her down on her back, pinned her to the bed, and began kissing down her neck. Shortly after that, I commanded that she take her clothes off. (We had spoken about it and she consented to being told what to do previously.) I attempted to talk dirty to her but upon seeing her naked, all that kept coming out of my mouth was, “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” Everything about her was perfect, from the width of her hips to the arch in her back, to the way her hair fell down against her perfect tits, to the little mole next to her belly button, to the shape of her vagina. And on top of all of that, she was quite possibly the most beautiful person I’d ever met on the inside, too.

After admiring her for a moment, I touched her pussy to see how wet she was. She was absolutely soaked. I rubbed her clit softly and then got harder and harder. She moaned my name. She put her hand around my throat and bit me, leaving hickies all over my chest. I kissed, bit, and sucked my way down her chest. I asked if I could eat her out. She said, “You can do whatever you want.”

Previously, she had mentioned that she had trouble orgasming and had just accepted the fact that she wasn’t going to receive gratification from sex. I decided that was unacceptable, and made it my fucking mission to make her cum. I started off by slowly and lightly stroking my tongue across her clit. Then I built up speed and intensity. She moaned my name and squirmed as I licked her. Her pussy tasted absolutely amazing.

I alternated between sucking on her clit and licking it in small circles. Toward the end of the session, she was screaming for me, telling me that she was going to cum. It took me longer than I would have liked to make her cum, (just means I need to practice more) but eventually she did. When she did, holy fuck. It was one of the sexiest things I have ever seen in my life. She screamed my name, giggled, and basically convulsed in pleasure. I made my way back up to kiss her and she grabbed me and put her tongue in my mouth. I was still covered in her cum, and I thought it was so fucking sexy.

After that, I laid and held her while she stayed naked, just still amazed that this ethereal being wanted to remain in MY bed. She was short of breath, and told me, “I really, really like you.” I let her know that the feeling was mutual. We then proceeded to cuddle and talk for a few hours and then she went home. I didn’t mind that she didn’t get me off. Honestly, I don’t mind if she never does. Watching her orgasm was an experience unlike any other. Merely existing in the same space as her and being in her presence is a privilege.

~CC

Undeserving

I’m currently sitting in my living room sobbing because this beautiful girl has met me with so so so much love. And I didn’t even do anything to deserve it. I just existed. I’m so used to love being contentious or requiring something of me.

This isn’t that, and it legitimately scares the shit out of me to the point where I want to cry, scream, and throw up.

I had a bad day. One of my friends who I had been friends with for almost 11 years royally fucked me over.

I invited the girl I recently began dating (like went on my first date with last night) to come over and hang with my best friend and I. Upon arriving, she showed up with carnations that are identical to the carnation tattoo that I have on my calf. She also brought hot Cheetos, and limes which I had mentioned was my favorite snack.

I guess I need to back up. I met Goddess on Bumble and we had been talking for a couple of weeks. (I mentioned her in a previous post.) Yesterday, she invited me to come hang out and eat takeout at her house. I went over there and was extremely, extremely nervous. I drove around the block like 3 times just being concerned about meeting her.

Then I finally went inside her house and all of my nerves melted away. She was so personable and immediately gave me a hug upon arrival. We talked about so many different things that we had both been through. We played a game called “We’re Not Strangers Anymore” and got to know each other a lot better via that. At the end of the game, it instructs you to write a note to the other person. You aren’t allowed to read the note until you’re no longer in the other person’s presence. I wrote my note about how I thought she was really wonderful, beautiful, and genuine. And that I was excited to get to know her better over time.

After I left our date, I immediately went out to my car and read her note. Earlier in the evening, we had talked about how my nickname was “Ladybug.” She wrote in her note that ladybugs are good luck and she was so lucky that she had met me. She also commented that she wanted to kiss every part of my face throughout the evening. I could not leave without giving her a kiss. So I got out of my car, went up to her front door, and I knocked on it. She came to the door very quickly. Upon seeing me, she asked, “Is everything okay??”

I said, “Yes, I just read your note. Is it okay if I kiss you?” She said, “Yes.” So I immediately kissed her three times very gently. Then I said goodnight and drove home.

Tonight, she did all of these really kind things for me when she had absolutely no reason to. She sat and talked with my best friend and I. She laughed and she listened. It meant the world to me. I kissed her very passionately before she made her journey (an hour) home. She makes my heart skip a beat and she makes me feel so giddy and free. She makes me feel like I’m on fire, but in a good way? I hope that I know her for a long, long time.

~CC.

Diary: Rehab Guy 11-17-14

Upon meeting him, I couldn’t decide if I disliked him or not. He seemed a little too over the top and playful for my taste. I can enjoy people like that, but usually only in small doses. There was a decision I made in my mind right off the bat, though. I thought that his thick Cajun accent was incredibly annoying.

I didn’t talk to him very much the first night that he acted in the room next. He’s currently in a two year long rehab program for cocaine addiction, and volunteers there with me. My friend, A, seemed very taken with him and was talking to him all throughout the night. She kept telling me how hot he was, and he is hot. He’s an incredibly fit, tan, 6’3 1/2 foot hunk with a gorgeous face and a beautiful smile. I guess I misinterpreted him for just another pretty face and a waste of my time.

Then the next night came. A wasn’t around, and he asked me to go outside with him while he took a smoke break. I decided to go with him because I was bored, and I enjoy picking people apart on a personal level. My thought process was that if we were alone, then I could definitely achieve my goals.

He lit up a cigarette and sat on top of a table that was outside. I sat across from him, and found myself surprised with how easily conversation came. There was much more to this guy than I had initially thought. We spoke to one another about our struggles with depression and anxiety. I quickly revealed that I kind of understood the situation that he was in, being locked up and all because of my stay in the mental hospital. I can generally tell when people judge me when I say that, but he didn’t.

After that, we talked for the rest of the night about life, love, family, his 2 year old son, medications, mistakes, and everything. We’d congregate in between our rooms when we didn’t have customers coming through the haunted house. It was fantastic, and I felt as though we got very close very fast. Later in the night, he began commenting on my beauty. I wasn’t used to someone being so direct. He told me how pretty I was and that he had thought I was very attractive ever since he first saw me. He also took special interest in my eyes (they’re blue-green). I just shrugged it all off and figured that he was being kind.

I also thought that maybe he was just horny and lonely. He’s in a long term rehab facility, so he hasn’t been allowed to have any feminine contact for the past 4 months. I soon realized that all of that wasn’t his reason for flirting, though.

The next night, we acted next to one another again. Our flirting and deep conversation continued. I told him that I wanted to know everything about him, from his favorite color to his whole life story. His favorite color used to be blue and now it’s lime green, by the way. He told me about how his parents are divorced. His mother was a drug addict who would shoot up even on the weekends that he was with her. He told me about nights when he had to check her pulse to make sure she was still alive. His father was incredibly abusive and was the chief of police in the area he lived in. He was with a girl for 4 years and had a baby with her, but then he started doing drugs and she left him 2 weeks after his son was born.

He told me that he started using cocaine because he wanted an escape. The need to get away from all the bad shit in his head and in his life became overwhelming, so he used. Now, he realizes how he fucked things up in his life. He can’t be there for his baby boy, and he hates that. He’s missing out on so many good things in life, “like getting to cuddle and watch movies.” I think that it’s so cool how he is willing to take responsibility for his fuck ups, and become a better person. I feel as though so often people try to blame someone else for their hardships.  He’s not. He’s trying to right his wrongs, which is so damn admirable to me.

Anyway, sorry. That turned into a bit of a tangent, back to the actually story. We spoke for a long while, and at one point Rehab Guy stood really close to me. I backed away a tad due to the thought that a patron was coming. He misinterpreted my distancing myself and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kiss you or anything.” I was slightly shocked by what he’d said, but tried to play it cool. My response was, “I didn’t think you were going to, but just know it would be totally okay if you did.”

Down the hallway from Rehab Guy’s room that he acts in, 2 rooms before mine, is a little black hallway. It doesn’t have any lights and generally other actors don’t go through it if there aren’t customers. We eventually found ourselves over there. At first, we just talked to each other across the little hallway. Then we became closer and closer and met in the middle. He put his face nearby mine, and I closed that kiss so fucking fast.

Once the kissing started, it didn’t stop. He was grabbing me for kisses every time that we were alone. There was one point where he shoved me against the wall and just started loving my face with his. I think it was the best kiss I’ve ever received in life. It was intense and  passionate with just the right amount of tongue. Our kissing, flirting, and deep conversations continued throughout the season.

Finally, a couple of weekends ago, there were clean-up days at the haunted house. Saturday, Rehab Guy and I hung out for the majority of the day. My job was sweeping everywhere, and so he came around the house and helped me. We kissed constantly and chatted. Eventually, along our path, we found a little closet that was blocked off by a fence. The fence was movable, and the closet opened up to a small room that didn’t lead anywhere else. Upon finding that, Rehab Guy and I got incredibly excited.

He pulled me into the closet with him and began kissing me in ways that I have never been kissed before. He kissed down my neck, and I swear on my soul that I came in my pants. Like a lot. Then he started dirty talking to me about how sexy I was and how he didn’t know if I could handle his huge cock. At that point, I began arguing with him and told him that I definitely could. He asked me if I wanted to see it, which I did so I didn’t decline. He pulled it out.

Oh my Jesus Christ. That man is hung. I’m 4/4 with big dicks, everyone. I don’t know how the hell it happens, but they always seem to find me. It’s quite possibly the most marvelous thing in life. Apparently I’m just capable of sniffing the motherfuckers out.

So he pulled it out and I had the largest temptation, as I always do, to put it in my mouth. That’s exactly what I did. Now, as I said earlier, it had been at least 4 months since that boy had had any sort of sexual contact outside of his own hand. So I definitely guaranteed that he wasn’t going to forget me by sealing the deal with a good old BJ. Then we continued with our duties. Later in the day, I had a discussion with him about whether or not he wanted me to be single until he got out of rehab. He said that if I could, he would like me to. Plus, we discussed the days throughout the year that we would be able to volunteer together and see one another, again. Then I told him that I could write him, and he could call me, so we’d find a way to make it work. Later that evening we went more into depth about how our families were very similar, and just talked for hours. I think it brought us a lot closer.

Sunday, I saw him again. Sadly, we were given different tasks, so we didn’t see each other all that much. There was a time when he and I happened to be in the same hallway at the same time, and we gave each other a knowing look. Then we ran over to a place that we both knew would be secluded. I asked him what we were going to do, since he was going back to rehab, and I was going back to real life. He just held me and told me he didn’t know, but we would be okay. He kissed me a lot and we talked about how much we were going to miss eachother. Eventually, we had to get back to our jobs before we were missed. Then I was about to leave with my friend, so I sought him out, gave him a goodbye kiss, and told him that I would see him soon.

Soon isn’t soon enough.
~CC.

Writing: Kissing Fucks With My Head

Recently,
I’ve found myself wondering
If you’re thinking about me
At the times when I’m thinking about you.
Did those moments when your
Lips met mine
Really matter to you as much as you said?
Because they mattered to me
More than I let on.
Now I’m alone here,
And you’re gone.
I hope for the day
That we meet again.
Although,
I’m not quite sure
If it’s going to exist.
Until then,
My dear,
I’m left with only memories
Of the first time we kissed.

Horny

Holy fucking shit.
Whyyyyyy?
Life is utterly fantastic, despite one small factor.
I’m legitimately horny alllllllllllllllll the time.
And I haven’t been laid in nearly a month.
It’s honestly driving me insane.
Truly, I don’t want a sexual relationship with anybody right now.
I want a completely innocent, yet emotionally involved romance with Pikachu.
I love what I have with him.
We call each other and talk about all things in life, flirt casually through text, and when we’ve hung out it’s just been both of us not wanting to offend each other.
Soooo absolutely no moves have been made.
I haven’t even kissed him yet, which is normally something I don’t hesitate to do when I like someone.
We’ve only hugged, even though we basically went out on a date. (He gives the most fantastic hugs, by the way. Seriously.)
It’s the greatest thing that I’ve had with anyone in a long ass time.

But my hormones are getting fucking out of control.
It’s kind of ridiculous.
Like masturbate at least 2 times a day ridiculous.
Ughhhhhhh.
Stop, vagina.
Stop and just allow my brain to be happy with this gorgeous, brilliant, tattooed boy that respects you enough to keep his dick in his pants.
You know you’ll get it eventually, so just chill the fuck out for right now.
~CC.

List: My Favorite Things in Life

Okay, so I just opened the fridge and there was a gallon of vitamin D milk. Now, this might sound silly, but I fucking love vitamin D milk. Seeing that goddamn delicious, cream filled goodness on the refrigerator shelf inspired me to create a list of my favorite things…

Vitamin D milk being one of them. It’s just the most perfect of all milks. It’s rich and creamy, and leaves this beautiful, slick, fatty consistency on the inside of your mouth. Plus, it’s got a pureness to it, and is so much prettier and whiter than your bland 2% or fat free. Ughhhhh. So delicious.

Next up is cursing. I don’t know if you could tell, but I fucking love cursing. It’s seriously one of the most enjoyable things, and honestly the louder I do it the better I feel. When I’m angry at someone, belting out a “you fat ugly cunt” brings me satisfaction that nothing else quite compares to. The most fun time to cuss is when you’re telling a story, and it’s completely irrelevant and unnecessary, but you just throw in a few fucks and shits here and there. Wonderful.

Another fantastic thing in this world is TITTIES. I don’t really know what I think about God at this point, but the fact that He made boobs must mean that He’s a pretty okay dude. Honestly, let’s just be real. Boobies are fantastic. They bounce. They’re fun. There are big ones, small ones, round ones, long ones, perky ones, saggy ones, man ones, the list goes on. There’s a fantastic variety made for everyone, which is wonderful, because it is an undeniable fact that every human being loves breasts. Including me.

In depth conversations are another one of the greatest things ever. Getting to talk to someone, and hear about their life in depth is just such a privilege to me. Everyone has a story, and instances that define who they are. I absolutely love when people feel as though I am important enough to share those parts of themselves with.

Rainy days improve my mood about 1000%. I have never ever ever had the ability to dance, regardless, dancing in the rain is one of my favorite things to do in the world. Something about water falling out of the sky and onto me just fills me with ridiculous amounts of joy. And I can’t forget how gorgeous the sky looks when it’s raining. Especially here in Texas during tornado season, when it gets that greenish, greyish coloring. Perfection. Utter perfection.

One of my other favorite things is kissing. I don’t know who the hell came up with kissing, but I really just want to kiss them for creating it. Who the fuck even thinks of that? “Oh, yeah, I’m going to press this thing on my face that I generally use to chew food against the similar hole on your face. Hopefully this will be enjoyable.” I have no idea if that was their thought process, or not… But hey, it turned out to be a pretty good idea. Personally, I fucking love it. It’s one of the few things that can make me feel really close to person. I also consider it one of the most pleasurable things you can do with another individual. Good shit. (I actually got curious about it and looked up where kissing came from. Apparently it either originated from mothers chewing up their children’s food, and then transferring it into their mouth, which created a kiss type of action… Orrrr it came from men and women taking pre-chewed tobacco from one another, which involved them touching mouths. In legends it was also said that bringing mouths together signified the joining of two souls. Now you know!)

Chipotle is another one of my favorite things. It’s just so chill, and has the tastiest food. Fucking wonderful, ’nuff said.

Sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night is one other really great thing in my life. Holy shit, the mix of adrenaline and fear that I get from hopping out of my window past curfew is unreal. It’s especially invigorating when I have someone to meet up with or someplace to go. Getting back in is part of the fun, also. Trying to make sure the window doesn’t make too much noise, and that you don’t wake your parents… So much rebellion, freedom, and just straight up awesomeness.

Burping is also something in life that brings me joy. Maybe that’s just because I’m extremely good at it, and have been since I was 5. I can burp the ABCs, words, names, sentences, and have even mastered fitting supercalifragilisticexpialidocious into one belch. It’s not a talent I am willing to share with many, but when I do share, it fills me with the utmost pride.

I think I’m going to end this post with something that brings me so much happiness, it’s considered a mental disorder. FIIIIIRE. I love fire. Fire is passionate, raging, uncontrollable, and absolutely stunning. I’m one of those people who could watch the world burn, and be pretty excited about it. To me fire signifies destruction, but it also signifies rebirth. I usually burn old items from exes to signify 1) my hatred for them, and 2) my ability to finally move on from them. Fire is beautiful, and I enjoy it far more than I should.

Sorry for this long, incredibly random list… I’ve just been in the oddest mood recently, and I just needed to recognize some of the good things within this cruel world. Hopefully you can enjoy my small rants about some of these things, and possibly relate!
~CC.