Divinity and Orgasms

The girl I talked about in my last post (Goddess) and I have been talking extremely frequently. She is a wonder of the world and I’m consistently left wondering why she wants to be a part of mine. We’ve been speaking or seeing each other every single day since we met. After we met, we spent the next 4 days straight together. Then I had to go on vacation and we texted the entire time (5 days) I was gone.

She is insanely raw, compassionate, and she shows up unconditionally for the people that she cares about. Her sense of humor is absolutely wicked and she makes witty commentary that leaves me speechless sometimes. She is ridiculously beautiful in a way that causes me to constantly think about her, or her skin, or the curve of her thigh, or the way that she sighs…

We can talk about anything and everything. Past regrets, love, trauma, family, death, joy, insignificant favorites, sex, pets, food, and the list goes on and on and on. Legitimately, nothing is off of the table. I have never felt so safe and like I could be so open with someone so quickly. I find myself bringing MYSELF to every single conversation and being happy that I showed up.

Running my fingers across her skin legitimately feels like spontaneously combusting from the inside. It feels like a really soft, warm weight on my chest in the best way. It makes my hands feel like they’re about to catch fire; scalding and tingly. She makes my heart race and my breath gets caught in my throat.

Last night, I came back into town from being on my trip. Goddess and I had coordinated seeing each other and she decided that she wanted to come hang out at my house. I had mentioned to her that I had bug bites, and a sunburn so she brought me my favorite snack, a tube of cortizone and some face masks to help with dry skin. Upon her arrival, I immediately kissed her and let her know how much I’d missed her.

We then ended up going to cuddle in my room and decided to watch scary movies. During the movies, we were kissing constantly and were tangled up in each other’s arms. After a few hours of that, Goddess fell asleep. I let her sleep because we had been staying up texting nights in a row previously, so I assumed she was exhausted.

My assumption was wrong, because at one point she rolled over and began kissing me. Hard. Like started out kissing me with her lips slightly open and then it turned into her tongue completely in my mouth. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I grabbed her and pulled her on top of me. She continued to kiss me deeply. I ran my hands up and down her sides and across her hips. I pulled her hair a little bit and put my hand around her throat as she kissed me. I wish that I could describe in words what having her on top of me felt like. It’s a feeling that I’m going to have to just hold onto mentally, because nothing even compares.

I was kind of caught off guard by this interaction, as I was expecting her to go to sleep. But as usual, horniness became the front seat driver. I laid her down on her back, pinned her to the bed, and began kissing down her neck. Shortly after that, I commanded that she take her clothes off. (We had spoken about it and she consented to being told what to do previously.) I attempted to talk dirty to her but upon seeing her naked, all that kept coming out of my mouth was, “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” Everything about her was perfect, from the width of her hips to the arch in her back, to the way her hair fell down against her perfect tits, to the little mole next to her belly button, to the shape of her vagina. And on top of all of that, she was quite possibly the most beautiful person I’d ever met on the inside, too.

After admiring her for a moment, I touched her pussy to see how wet she was. She was absolutely soaked. I rubbed her clit softly and then got harder and harder. She moaned my name. She put her hand around my throat and bit me, leaving hickies all over my chest. I kissed, bit, and sucked my way down her chest. I asked if I could eat her out. She said, “You can do whatever you want.”

Previously, she had mentioned that she had trouble orgasming and had just accepted the fact that she wasn’t going to receive gratification from sex. I decided that was unacceptable, and made it my fucking mission to make her cum. I started off by slowly and lightly stroking my tongue across her clit. Then I built up speed and intensity. She moaned my name and squirmed as I licked her. Her pussy tasted absolutely amazing.

I alternated between sucking on her clit and licking it in small circles. Toward the end of the session, she was screaming for me, telling me that she was going to cum. It took me longer than I would have liked to make her cum, (just means I need to practice more) but eventually she did. When she did, holy fuck. It was one of the sexiest things I have ever seen in my life. She screamed my name, giggled, and basically convulsed in pleasure. I made my way back up to kiss her and she grabbed me and put her tongue in my mouth. I was still covered in her cum, and I thought it was so fucking sexy.

After that, I laid and held her while she stayed naked, just still amazed that this ethereal being wanted to remain in MY bed. She was short of breath, and told me, “I really, really like you.” I let her know that the feeling was mutual. We then proceeded to cuddle and talk for a few hours and then she went home. I didn’t mind that she didn’t get me off. Honestly, I don’t mind if she never does. Watching her orgasm was an experience unlike any other. Merely existing in the same space as her and being in her presence is a privilege.

~CC

One Headlight, One Wild Night

So, I have a fun little story about a wild night that I don’t want to forget. I figured I may as well document it here. The song One Headlight by the Wallflowers just came on my Spotify, and reminded me of it.

My ex (the 36 year old, who I dated for almost a year) left me in a text message on a Thursday morning. I took that Friday off of work, because I was really emotional and had a huge essay due for school. One of my friends, we’ll call her Bug, got off of work early that day, and I had finished my paper by around 1 in the afternoon. She texted me and asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks. Me, being sad and an alcoholic, said, “Fuck yes.” I got dressed up and met her and her mom out at a local bar.

When I arrived at the bar, I decided to smoke a cigarette before going inside. A large, very drunk man approached me while I was puffing on my cigarette. He told me I was gorgeous and asked me if he could have a hug. I gave him one just to try to appease him and hoped he would walk away. He didn’t. He pushed me up against the wall and tried to kiss me. I moved away and told him that I had to go meet some friends inside the bar. He made sure to let me know that he would be coming back later. I turned away from him, rolled my eyes, and went to meet my friends.

We sat around, drank, and chatted for a while. J-Mom, which is what I call my best friend’s mom, is very social and constantly talking to new people when we go out. Of course, this day was no different. She was a little tipsy, saw a very attractive man walk past our table, and decided to yell, “You have very nice legs for a woman!” Bug and I were both mortified, but the man took the comment in stride. He said thank you and then came over to hang out with us and talk for a bit. When he came to the table, I then realized he was truly so freaking gorgeous. He was pretty built, looked physically fit, and had a very nice smile. He also came off as very genuine and kind pretty immediately. We will call him Florida, because he told us that was where he was from and that he was just visiting a friend who lived here. The friend was with him at the bar, more on that later.

After a few minutes of conversation, the creepy man who tried to kiss me before I entered the bar arrived again. I found out at that point that he had also attempted to kiss both of my friends. We all started freaking out at the same time and explained the situation to Florida. He immediately took control of the situation, and went over to the creep. He told them that he was my fiance and that he would appreciate if the man left us alone. The man then explained to him that he had a wife and kids at home. (What the fuck??) He seemed like he would leave us alone after that. Once Florida was satisfied that this man would no longer try to approach us, he told us he was going to another bar with his friend. As he left, he yelled across the bar, “We are going down the street. Call me if you need anything!” He said this to encourage the other man to continue leaving us alone.

As he walked out the door, I kicked myself for not getting his number and assumed I would never see him again. My friends and I sat and drank for another hour or so, then decided to go to another bar down the street. To my surprise, we walked in and sitting at the bar was Florida. I explained to Bug that this must be a sign that I needed to get his number, but I was so nervous because he was SO hot. Bug didn’t give a single fuck, and shortly after our conversation she walked over to him and asked for his phone number. He approached me at the bar with his cell phone, and told me to enter my digits. I, of course, obliged.

He then texted me, and sat down next to me at the bar. We drank and drank and drank. Then we talked about all kinds of things, and he seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. We spoke about work, living situations, love, past relationships, everything. It was an instantaneous connection. He had these beautiful blue eyes that were fixated upon me every time I said anything. It honestly made me incredibly wet, and I knew from that point forward that I was going to end up having sex with that man. While I continued reeling in my new catch, J-Mom was working on his friend. We found out that he was married, but she was so drunk that it didn’t even matter to her. She had worn a dress with no panties underneath, and was grinding her bare ass against this man right next to the bar. More power to her, in my opinion.

Turns out Florida and his friend had tickets to another event, so he grabbed me and kissed me very passionately, then promised me he would meet up with me again later. We agreed that we would all meet at the Wallflowers concert after their other event was over. J-Mom and I went home in order to get ready to fuck these dudes later. We smoked some weed, and I redid my makeup. While I was getting dressed and making sure that my hair was just so, J-Mom passed out. I attempted to wake her up to go meet the guys, but she was not interested any longer.

I took an uber and showed up to the concert solo. I recall walking around outside of the venue, feeling a sense of independence and freedom that I had never experienced before. I was a young beautiful girl, out by myself, and the world was full of opportunities. I didn’t have to be anywhere that I didn’t want to be or do anything that I didn’t want to do. The night was MINE. The choices I made were all my own and that was so fucking empowering. I think that feeling is what I want to hold onto most out of this story.

During my stroll, Florida texted me to inform me that they were over to the right of the stage. I grabbed a beer, and met up with them. It was almost 11 at night at this point, and I had been drinking heavily since around 1:30 in the afternoon. On top of that, I was also slightly stoned, so I was feeling myself for sure. I met the guys, and Florida’s friend was disappointed that J-Mom hadn’t made it. We still had a great time, though. We danced and drank and were merry. One Headlight came on and the room erupted, everyone hopped on their feet. If I could have that moment in a little jar and open the jar to make it play when I wanted to smile, then I would. Unfortunately, memories don’t work that way, so hopefully it stays locked in my head for a while.

The Wallflowers played a few more songs, and I quickly decided that I enjoyed the Wallflowers although I had never seen them before. Then, the concert was over. The boys and I agreed that we would go back to J-Mom’s place and see what she was up to. Florida’s friend drove us there in his Jeep. I am not confident that he should of driven as he had been drinking the entire day, but fortunately we made it safely. We got there and Florida, his friend and I had a few drinks while sitting out on J-Mom’s back porch. She was still sleeping soundly in her room. The friend finally decided that he was going to attempt to wake her and hope that it worked out in his favor. I wished him luck, and was just grateful that he was leaving so that I could hop on his friend.

I drunkenly sauntered over to Florida and climbed in his lap. We began kissing sloppy, but sexy intoxicated kisses. Shortly after that, he asked me where the bedroom I would be staying in was. I led him inside, showed him the bedroom, and he pushed me into the bed faster than I could even think. He climbed on top of me and enveloped me in him, he held me tight, and kissed me hard. I quickly went to remove his pants and he went to remove mine. Before I knew it, he was licking down my chest and to my vagina. His tongue danced across my clit, and it made me feel alive. I orgasmed multiple times, and then wanted to feel his cock inside me. Unfortunately, an entire day of drinking made it so that arousal was a challenge for him. He tried, regardless, and despite the fact that he could not fully fuck me, the sex was still fantastic. I don’t know if it was just because he was drunk, or if he was just skilled, but he had no fear of hurting me. We went on for a while. I remember specifically attempting to muffle my moans, unsuccessfully. The headboard clanked into the wall loudly. I’m sure we were not quiet, as drunk people rarely have hushed sex. Florida seemed to have all the same kinks that I did, too. He grabbed me by my throat while he fucked me and fingered me, bit my chest and left hickies all over me, grabbed my tits and thighs so hard that the next day I had fingerprint bruises. It was quite possibly the most tailored to me sexual experience that I have ever had, and I didn’t have to tell him to do any of it, which made the entire thing even sexier. I lived for every second of it.

When we finished fucking, Florida and I cuddled there, naked, drenched in each other’s sweat for a good amount of time. We talked a lot about different things, and there was still a genuine interest and connection there. I remember that I asked him what the worst thing that had ever happened to him was.

Who asks their one night stand that? Apparently drunk, stoned, and horny me… What can I say? Always gotta find some kind of emotional attachment to everyone that I fuck, I guess. Must be the psychology major in me, or just the fucking weirdo in me.

Anyway, surprisingly, he told me.

It was horrible, and I regretted asking the question. Apparently, when he was in college, two of his close friends were hit by a car right in front of him. One of them died, and he found both of them. After the police arrived and took his severely injured friend, and his other friend’s body, he had to give statements. It sounded like something out of a nightmare and made me deeply relate to him. I already liked him as a person, but after he told me that story he became more real. Less of just some unattainable, beautiful fuck trophy, you know? He became a vulnerable human, which I never expected to happen that night. I am grateful it did, although I will probably never ask anyone that question after sex again.

Sooner than I wanted, his friend texted him telling him that he was ready to leave. Florida got out of bed, put his pants on, and then kissed me hard. He told me that he wanted to see me again before he left town, but we didn’t make any solid plans. I wanted to fuck him again badly. He slid his shirt on, and creeped out the door to meet his friend.

I went into J-Mom’s room to see what had transpired between her and the friend. She said that when she sobered up a little bit, she had a change of heart about fucking a married man. Apparently, he had entered her room and attempted to get her to have sex with him the entire time that Florida and I slept together and talked. He was completely unsuccessful, which I actually found hilarious.

As for Florida, I did not hear from him anymore while he was in town. I texted him toward the end of his visit and told him that at least if he didn’t intend to see me again, he could let me know. He told me that there just wasn’t enough time in his trip, and he figured he should let it go. That was okay with me, and I thanked him for his honesty then moved on with my day.

I still love that day, night, and story. I am grateful that it happened and showed me how free I can truly be.

Continuation of Update

So he gets there, walks in, and immediately hugs me. He got a water because he is on some fitness health thing called “Sober October”. Not really my thing, but I totally respect it. I ordered a beer. We sat down, and immediately had some really good conversations about our families, the past, life. I think we probably sat there and talked for 3 hours. At one point, I drunkenly stumbled up and accidentally ran into a juke box that was right behind me, so that was a good look. He didn’t seem to mind, which was very much appreciated.

After that, we decided to run to Chipotle to get some food. While we were in the parking lot, he grabbed me and hugged me from behind, which was super nice. We got food, and sat down inside, and then started talking about things that are more sexual in nature. I think we were both very refreshed by the fact that we could be so open with each other, and that conversation was incredibly simple. At one point, he looked across the table and said, “You are SO gorgeous!” And I think my jaw dropped in amazement that such a stunning, otherworldly creature could find beauty in a peasant like me lol. I just stared him straight in the eyes and pretty much yelled, “NO! YOU ARE GORGEOUS!” He laughed really hard, pretty much jumped over the table, and kissed me. He then said, “I have been wanting to do that ever since I saw you sitting in front of the juke box.” I think it is one of those magic moments that I will never forget, because it signified the beginning of a new part of my life. Do I know where that new part plans to take me, even now? No, but I knew that this man was going to change my life and me in some way.

It was almost 10, and he had to go home to go to work. He asked me if I wanted to go to his house with him, as he was just doing some stuff on the computer. I said sure, but that I wasn’t going to fuck him. He just laughed and said, “I wouldn’t want you to.” We got up, and I followed him out to the parking lot.

The lie detector test determined that that was a lie on both of our parts…

We made out in the parking lot for a minute, and then I agreed that I was going to follow him to his house right down the street. We got there, went inside, and hung out on the couch. Between short periods of working on his computer, he was kissing me, and oh my god he is a wonderful kisser. Before I knew it, I was pulling him on top of me and kissing his neck. He has these HUGE arm and shoulder muscles and you know I was touching all up on that shit. Feeling the way that they rippled under his shirt as he moved was such a turn on. He rubbed my clit through my pants, and had me dripping in .02 seconds. Shortly afterward, he asked if he could give me head. Me, being a woman who is a deviant of sexual pleasure said, “Fuck yes.”

So he obliged. Before I knew what was happening, he had moved me over to the other couch and was ripping. I am not fucking kidding, RIPPING, my panties off. This motherfucker ate my pussy in a way that I did not know was humanly possible. On the couch, I orgasmed at least 5 or 6 times. Then he asked if I wanted to move to his bed, and I said yes again. Throughout this process, we kept agreeing that we were not going to fuck. He ate me out in the bedroom, and I don’t know what kind of voodoo tongue this dude has, but he had me orgasming and squirting a minimum of 20 times. He also ate my pussy for like 2 hours. Finally, I think we were both exhausted, so we decided it was time to try to sleep. Before we slept, he played with my hair a little bit and told me how much he liked me. We were both naked and he cuddled up behind me and spooned me alllll night. Throughout the evening, he would wake up and kiss my shoulder or my neck or slide his hands over my curves. I barely slept, just because I had slept quite a bit the day before.

Around 3:30 AM, he woke up and I was still awake. He just looked at me and said, “I want my cock in your throat.” Me, being the submissive as fuck bitch that I am, grabbed his cock and went to town. I shoved it down in my throat as far as it would go and then sucked hard all the way up to the tip. He seemed to really enjoy it, which was incredibly satisfying. I was dripping wet, and he was super hard. He climbed on top of me, and looked like he was about to slip his cock into my pussy. I was so down, despite our past conversations of NOT having sex after the first date. He paused for a moment and then looked me in the eyes and said, “We need to have a conversation first. I don’t sleep with more than one person at a time, so we are only sleeping with each other.” I agreed that I would not have sex with anyone but him. Then he slipped his dick inside me, and fucked me with a passion that I had not experienced before. He is a Latino man, and there is just something different about the way that his strokes were. They were slower and more controlled than anyone else’s I had known. The way he touched me was also different. He like, cradled me very close to him and took all of the opportunities to kiss me on my neck and to play with my tits. I could tell that he cared about me even after only knowing me for a very short period of time. It was very good sex, especially it being that it was the first time we slept together. Not only was it good sex, but he made ME feel so sexy, appreciated, and beautiful.

We went for a while and by the time we were done, I was covered in sweat and all of my feminine juices. I realized at that point that I needed to take a shower and grab some work clothes. It was around 5 when I started telling him that I had to leave to go get ready for work. He begged me to stay and even kept pulling me back into bed as I tried to go. I cuddled with him for a little while longer and promised on multiple occasions that I would see him again soon.

Finally, he let me go. I kissed him goodbye, and went home, showered, and slept for about an hour. Since then, we have seen each other all the time. Conversation is still incredibly easy, and interesting. We can lay in bed and fuck, or sleep, or watch television, or we can go out into the world and have dinner, thrift shop, and explore new places. It is easy, carefree, fun, and there are really no obligations. We do nice things together, and spend the majority of the time we aren’t working or with friends together. Now, we have been speaking for almost 3 weeks. I don’t know what the situation is going to turn into, but I dig this guy a lot and I am happy to know him even if things don’t get more serious.

 

Update!

What’s up, bitches?!
I have been really horrible about writing about my life in adulthood, and I apologize. I suppose I am just kind of out living rather than getting wallowed down in all of the shitty things that happen.
For those of you who are still around, (I am sure there are not many) I would like to fill you in on current events.
Right now, I am 22 years old, almost 23. I started this blog almost 6 years ago, which is fucking insane to me. I am eternally grateful for it, though. It helped me through some of the hardest times in my life.
Luckily, things seem to be looking up at the moment. Currently, I work with special needs children at an elementary school. They are the light of my life, and I absolutely love my job. I am in school to get a degree in psychology and then to get alternatively certified to teach special education. I only have about a year left!!!
I moved out of my parents’ house with my ex, then had to move back in when he left me. Thankfully, in May, I was put in a position where I could move into a townhome with one of my best friends. She will be moving out next May, because she met a wonderful man. I will be taking on a 2nd job so that I can afford to stay here, because I love my house so much.
The only thing I am really stressed and worried about at this point in my life is the fact that one of my closest friends is dying of stage 4 bone and breast cancer. She has an 11 year old son with extreme, non-verbal autism and no other children. Her family is very supportive, but they are also sick. I know that there will become a point in the not so distant future where someone will need to care for her. She has been like a mother to me for the past 4 years, and I will gladly take on that role whenever she is in need of someone. It is going to be incredibly painful to watch her die, especially after watching my aunt die in the same manner when I was 16. But I love her, and I would go to the ends of the earth for that woman, so I will help her up until her very last moments.
Over the past year or so, I have encountered a few challenges. One of the most significant was dating an older man who did not respect me. He was 36 and I was 22. I wanted so desperately to have a life and stable home with someone (because I did not have that growing up as a child) that I jumped into a relationship with him. This relationship was very one-sided and often resulted in me caring for him and his child. I put in a majority of the effort and was driving out to where he lived almost an hour away regularly. He decided I was not worth calling or seeing more often, and dumped me over a text message. I stayed in that relationship where I was putting in all of the effort for 9 months. The relationship ending did not really hurt me that much, the fact that I stayed in something where I wasn’t being treated the way that I deserved to be treated for that long was the thing that hurt. I thought that I had learned from my abusive relationship of 3 years to do better than that, but I let myself down again…
Anyway, that ended about a month ago.

I started dating around on some different dating apps. I talked to quite a few people, and met some that I really liked. Others, I had quite a few very odd encounters with. I went on a few dates, some good, some not so great. One guy that I really liked ended up confessing to me that he had herpes on our 3rd date. I appreciated his honesty, and still think he is a wonderful man. I hope that he finds nothing but the best and someone who is willing to take that kind of risk for him.

About 2 weeks ago, I went on another date. I had seen this guy’s profile on Facebook dating and had liked his profile. He was gorgeous, and obviously very fit from the photos he had posted. When I liked his profile, I audibly said, “THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.” And laughed out loud. To my surprise, he matched with me a few hours later. We chatted over Facebook and then over text message for few hours. I had that day off, so around 4 o’clock, I decided to go grab a few margaritas.  When those started to kick in, I had a new sense of confidence as liquid courage allows, so I texted him and asked when we were going to meet. He told me that he was not busy until 10 that evening and I discovered we only live 10 minutes down the road from each other, so I said I would go home and get ready to meet up with him. I got to the little bar down the street just a few minutes before he did, downed a few shots because I was SUPER nervous, and then he arrived…

I have to go to a friend’s house so I will continue with the rest of this story in a new post tomorrow!